


Overcoming The Darkness

by DianneRose2016



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Past Torture, Mentions of past sexual assault, PTSD, Sexual Content, Slow Burn Romance, Swearing, Violence, mentions of past violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:54:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27897130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DianneRose2016/pseuds/DianneRose2016
Summary: A case brings up trauma to Jay from his time in the army. The team is finally going to learn why Jay was discharged but that discovery puts them all at risk. With an elite military unit hunting Jay the team has to work fast to stop them before Jay becomes their newest victim. His PTSD hits full force, but Hailey and Will are standing by him and refuse to let the darkness take him.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 58





	Overcoming The Darkness

It was a normal day in Intelligence. At just eight in the morning and no case popping up over night everyone was glad to have been able to take the night and just relax. Hailey walked into the bullpen and saw that everyone was there, minus Jay, already working on long overdue paperwork from the past few cases. They had been slammed for the past couple of months and they really needed to get caught up on all of their paperwork before any went to pre-trial.

"Hey, where's your other half?" Kim said with a teasing smile.

"He had to take care of something, said he would be a few minutes late getting to work." Hailey answered, already knowing Kim was talking about Jay.

This wasn't the first time any of them had made comments about how close they were. They normally went to the gym three times a week in the morning. Hailey knew Jay went everyday or ran, but she refused to work out five days a week or run unless it was for the job or her life. Jay would always pick her up and afterwards they would have breakfast and then head in. Jay would then drive her home and depending on the case they would have a drink and chill or they would go their separate ways. Weekends were much the same, it wasn't unheard of for them to be spending time together. Jay had recently helped her to paint her apartment and he had fixed a couple of tiles in her bathroom that had come loose. They were often found together at work and outside of it. Hailey was feeling a little bad though, because when they were at her place Jay crashed on the couch. And when they were at his place, he always gave her his bed, so Jay was sleeping more on a couch then in a bed recently. Things had been happening with their relationship. Neither one had made a move or commented on it, but you could just tell they were together. They were dating, without actually dating. There was nothing sexual going on between them, but they weren't dating anyone else. They weren't hooking up with anyone else. They were at this weird cross road in their relationship, but one neither was in a hurry to push.

"Everything ok?" Kevin asked.

"He's good. Just something he needed to handle he said." Hailey answered as she went and sat down.

"I'm surprised you aren't with him. You guys are attached at the hip most days." Adam said.

Hailey noticed he said it in a teasing way, but she knew it was also a slightly sore spot for him as well. He had mentioned it a few times when they were hooking up how close her and Jay were. It seemed like everytime he wanted to be alone with her, Jay was either around or texting her. Hailey was never bothered by it. She knew that the other partners weren't as close as them, but they had been through a great deal together. Jay's PTSD episode had brought them together, when it could have destroyed them. It was amazing the progress Jay had made with her, how much he trusted her now with not just having his back, but being there for him through all the hard stuff. She had found out from Kim that Erin hadn't really been there for Jay during his rough days. He was always there for her and her crazy family drama, but she never seemed to be there for him. When she had found out that he had been married shortly after returning from war, she didn't even fight to keep him, to understand what he had been going through at that time. She all too easily gave Jay up and that bothered Hailey more than anything. She couldn't understand why anyone would ever walk away from him. And when she left, she didn't even have the courtesy to call and tell him, that was the very least she owed to him. Hailey swore if she ever came across Erin again, she would hit her for everything she had put Jay through.

"We do live different lives Adam." Hailey answered, as she got her things out on her desk.

"Could have fooled me, you guys are always together. I've seen you go into the bathroom to pee while he's in the shower." Rojas added.

She could not believe how often Jay was over at the apartment. She had only been crashing with Hailey for a month now, but it seemed like they were always together. He brought her coffee every morning, even when they were rolling out for a case. He always got Hailey coffee and never her, claiming it was a habit. But Rojas couldn't help but think it was his way of trying to ice her out. What was also annoying was how Jay seemed to be Voight's right-hand man so Hailey was always having to leave with him when Vought called for him to come out to a scene, but she never got to go. Her, Adam, Kevin and Kim were always updated about it later and then included, but not right from the start. She didn't think she was ever going to be able to figure out the team dynamics.

"We're partners, partners are supposed to be close and friends. And Jay used to have to shower with a bunch of men around, he doesn't care about me peeing while he's in the shower." Hailey said.

"You know there is something I've been wondering, and since he's not here, what's the deal with his walk?" Rojas asked.

"What do you mean?" Hailey asked, confused.

"Come on, you must have noticed by now that he doesn't walk normally. He's got a wide gait, kinda like he just got off a horse after riding for six hours." Rojas said.

"Ya ok see I've always wondered about that, but there's no right way to ask a man that question." Adam chimed in.

"Oh ya, I guess he does kinda walk differently." Kim said, as she thought about it.

"And you think I know why?" Hailey asked.

"Well, you spend the most time with him. You telling me you never asked." Rojas said.

"No, I've never asked him why he doesn't walk like I do." Hailey said, slightly insulted on her partner's behalf.

"So you don't know?" Adam asked.

"All I know is that at one point both of his hips were broken, I would assume that is why." Hailey answered.

"Damn two broken hips, that had to hurt like hell." Kevin commented.

Their conversation was cut short when Voight came out of his office. Hailey had noticed he was on his phone and she had a feeling that they were going to be getting yet another case.

"Where's your partner?" Voight asked her, he had made a point to reassure both Hailey and Jay that they were still partners. They were good for each other, better than Jay and Erin. He knew they both needed the other in their life and he was fine with it. He wanted Jay to be happy, he deserved it after everything he had been through in his life. Voight wanted the best for Jay.

"He had to run a quick errand this morning. He should be here soon."

"Call him, tell him to meet us at Crawford and Jackson."

"We got a case?" Adam asked.

"Don't know. Detectives on scene were asking for him. We're all going." Voight ordered.

Hailey gave a nod as she got up. They all wouldn't normally go, but after everything with Kealton, Voight wasn't taking any chances, especially with his new unofficial right-hand man. Hailey called Jay to let him know, he sounded worried, not that she could blame him, but there wasn't anything she could say. They all headed for the scene, Hailey riding with Voight so she could drive back with Jay. On the way to the scene Voight spoke.

"What's this errand that Halstead is running? Anything I should know?"

"I don't think so. I don't know what it is, but he sounded happy."

Voight just gave a nod. His relationship with Jay had evolved over the years, part of it from Erin dating him and then he had come to rely on him. Jay had good instincts, a strong moral compass, something Voight wanted the future of the unit to be. Jay also had experience that none of them ever would. His time in the military was an asset that Voight relied on and used every chance he could. Since Erin had left Voight had noticed that Jay had started to change. He was becoming more distant from the team, he kept his feelings closed off and didn't share when something was bothering him. Voight had seen the change in Jay, but it wasn't until after everything that happened with Camila did Voight see just what Jay was struggling with; PTSD. Voight had known that Mouse had it, but he was able to overcome it. With Jay, Voight had no idea he was suffering from PTSD, from that moment on Voight made a habit of keeping a closer eye on Jay. He also had a new level of respect for him.

"Do you know anything about why they want Jay?" Hailey asked, worried about what this could be for her partner.

"Didn't say much, just that they needed him to look at something. Hoping it's nothing major. Could be from a past case."

Hailey just gave a nod. It was making her nervous that they didn't say why they needed Jay there. She was hoping it wouldn't be something that would change everything. They pulled up to the scene and saw that it was a house that had all of this attention. There was already a crime scene unit waiting outside along with patrol and two homicide detectives, no Jay yet though. Voight and Hailey got out of the car and headed towards the detectives.

"Sergeant Voight?" The one male detective asked, as they made their way towards them.

"Ya, this is Detective Upton." Voight said with a nod to Hailey. The others were standing behind them, waiting to see what was going on.

"What, we don't get introduced?" Rojas whispered to Kevin.

"Not normally." Kevin simply said, not even bothered by it.

"I'm Detective Wyatt and this is my partner Detective Jackson. Is Detective Halstead on the way?"

"Ya he should be here soon. What's going on?" Voight asked, not looking to wait for Jay to arrive.

"DOA, came in from a suspicious odor check, we were called in. Written on one of the walls in the victim's blood was a message, 'For 1st Lieutenant Halstead, 35 more to go.' There was also an insignia. We called into the military to see if they had any active members with that ranking and name, they informed us that he was retired and a detective now. That led us to you." Detective Wyatt explained.

"Halstead was in the military?" Rojas whispered to Adam.

"Sniper in the Rangers."

"You got a name?" Voight asked.

"Not yet, no id on him or in the house. We got someone running the house." Detective Jackson answered.

Just then Jay's truck pulled up and he got out with his coffee, and another one in his hand. He immediately headed over and handed Hailey her coffee as he spoke.

"Sorry I'm late."

"We'll take the case, it's personal." Voight said to the detectives.

"It's all yours. We got enough cases we can't solve, we don't need to be involved in whatever this is." Detective Wyatt said.

"Hm." Voight said with a nod.

"What's going on?" Jay asked once the detectives left.

"DOA in the house, no name as of yet. Your military ranking, that public knowledge?" Voight asked.

"People in CPD know I was in the military." Jay said, not really sure where this was going, but not liking it.

"But what about your rank? Could someone find it?" Hailey asked.

"No it's in my sealed military file. It's completely classified, anyone who knows what my rank was I served with in some capacity. Why?"

"Your military rank and name was left on a wall in the victim's blood." Hailey said.

That shocked Jay. He never expected that to come out of this. Instantly his stomach was up in knots, this case wasn't going to turn out well. Jay headed towards the house with the others closely following him. Jay walked inside the house and immediately headed towards the DOA who was sitting on his couch. He had a gunshot wound to his head, a high caliber round based on the head being almost completely gone. He was sitting there leaning slightly to the right staring out at the tv across the way. There was a bullet hole in the window, a clear sign to Jay that he was killed by a sniper. The bulldog tattoo with the Ranger insignia on his right forearm was all Jay needed to make an ID.

"Oh fuck."

Jay put his hand over his eyes to try and get his emotions under control. He turned away slightly, doing everything he could to get rid of the image he had just seen.

"Jay?" Hailey said with concern.

"I ah." Jay cleared his voice to try and get rid of the heavy emotions going through him right now. "It's Bulldog."

"You know him?" Voight asked, but he already knew the answer.

"Ya ah." Jay cleared his voice again. "Mark "Bulldog" Matthews. Rangers, fourth battalion, his unit and mine tended to spin up together. He's still active, he um, he's a training officer now. He had a wife, but she left him about five years ago. Couldn't handle the life anymore. No kids, parents are still alive, at least that I know of."

"If he's still active, doesn't that make this a military problem?" Rojas asked.

"No he wasn't killed for military intel." Jay answered.

"How do you know?" Rojas questioned.

"The bullet hole in the glass came from a high powered weapon and from up high. A sniper took him out. It makes it more complicated, but it's civil." Jay answered.

"Jay, you can't be working this case." Voight started, he was hoping that Jay would accept it and walk away, but he knew he wouldn't. Still it had to be said.

Jay was quiet for a minute, looking out the window. He was debating on what to say, they all could see it. After a moment he spoke, but he didn't turn to look at them. "He saved my life. Something happened and the Upper Brass wouldn't send in reinforcements, said it was too dangerous. My unit went in anyways, so did his. They risked their lives and their career for me. By the end of it all that was left of my unit was me and Mouse and he was the only one left of his. He was injured during it and it took him out of field status."

None of them knew what to say. Jay hadn't really said much on anything that happened during his time in the military. This was the most they had ever heard him say. They knew he was military, they knew he was special ops, but they had no idea he had ever been through something that dangerous. Jay turned to look at Voight as he spoke again.

"He didn't leave me behind, I'm not leaving him. Voight, my name is on the fucking wall. We're past walking away."

Voight knew what Jay had said was true. This was connected to his detective, this was an attack against him and an attack against one of his own was an attack against him. He wouldn't walk away and he couldn't expect Jay to as well. He would be keeping a very close eye on him though. He wasn't going to let this be the case that broke Jay.

"Alright. Let's get a perimeter going, get the crime scene unit in here, and start the canvas. I want to know everything his neighbors do." Voight ordered.

"Copy Boss." Atwater said.

Him, Kim, and Adam headed out to get started, while the others stayed.

"Halstead, any idea how far the bullet came from?" Voight asked.

"Depends on the weapon, but safe to assume it's probably military. Based on the bullet hole in the glass and the angle, at least two thousand yards away. It had to of come from an apartment building rooftop."

Voight gave a nod and was going to have a patrol check it out to see where the shot could have come from. Jay made his way towards the wall in the kitchen where the message was written as Hailey spoke.

"When was the last time you saw or spoke to him?"

"We grabbed a beer last month when Mouse touched Stateside. I've never been here."

"Mouse?" Rojas asked Hailey.

"His brother."

"That doctor?" Now Rojas was really confused.

"No that's Will. Mouse is his other brother. They were in the Rangers together, Mouse worked for the team for a couple of years before going back into the Rangers. Before my time."

"What's thirty-five more to go mean?" Rojas asked Jay.

"It means it's gonna be bad."

"Bad how? What does it mean?" Rojas pressed.

"It doesn't matter. All you need to know is that more people are in danger." Jay said, not looking to talk about it.

"It matters when it's written on the wall in a victim's blood." Rojas said with attitude.

Rojas was really sick of how Jay seemed to be able to not explain anything. You didn't question his decisions and you were expected to follow him like he was some messiah. It really bothered her.

"Only someone in the military would know your rank?" Voight asked, knowing that Jay wasn't going to answer.

"Ya. My file is sealed, no one can have access to it outside of having clearance within the military."

"You served with him, is there anyone else that you served with that is Stateside that could be in danger?" Hailey asked.

"No it was only me, Mouse and Bulldog left. Mouse is in Country."

"In country?" Rojas asked.

"Overseas." Jay answered.

"Why didn't you just say that?" Rojas said under her breath, but Hailey heard it. Hailey was noticing more and more that Rojas was not a big fan of Jay. Something she was keeping a close eye on, because she had no problem telling Voight that she needed to go.

The others walked back in as Kim spoke.

"Ok patrol is going all over to canvas and the crime scene unit is coming in."

"Anything on the message?" Adam asked.

"Thirty-five more, sounds to me like whoever this is has a long list." Kevin added.

"I know that insignia, it's for a secret black op unit within the military, the type of unit that doesn't exist." Jay said looking at Voight.

"Hm. This them or someone who idolizes them?" Voight asked.

"That I don't know."

"What's this unit like?" Adam asked.

"It's classified. Top Secret classified." Jay answered.

"Anything you can tell us?" Kim asked, knowing that Jay would not break the classified seal.

"Um… it started as a rumor and it reached all branches of the military. Everyone called them the Ghost Unit, they weren't supposed to exist, no friends, no family, no fingerprints. It was a five man team, the number one member in each branch. So the top Ranger, Seal, Air force, Marine and Delta. One was always a medic, one was always a sniper, one always a pilot, one leader and one master interrogator. But always just a rumor."

"But you've met them." Voight stated.

"Hypothetically, I may have had a theoretical conversation about leading a new unit." Jay said very carefully.

"Hm and hypothetically that theoretical conversation happened within eyesight of someone who doesn't exist." Voight stated.

Jay gave a half nod to the left and Voight knew his answer.

"Ok, so how do we go about finding out if this unit did the attack or if it was someone else?" Kevin asked.

"I'll see if I can find out where they are." Jay said, pulling out his phone calling the one person who would be able to tell him if they were active or not.

"Who are you going to call?" Adam asked.

"Mouse will be able to see if they are Stateside or in Country."

"He knows who they are?" Kim asked.

"He may have hypothetically been at the back of the bar and saw everyone for the theoretical conversation."

"Smart." Kevin said with a half nod.

Jay dialed Mouse's number and he was hoping that he would be able to answer. He knew he was over in Afghanistan on deployment in J-Bad. He was set to be back in two months and Jay was counting down the days that he would be back home safe. He hated when Mouse went on deployment and was constantly waiting for when he would be back safe once again. After four rings a very sleepy sounding Mouse answered.

"Gerwitz."

"Hey man, sorry to wake you I know you're up all night."

"It's all good brother. What's going on?" Mouse could hear that something was going on in Jay's voice. Mouse had to be totally honest, he had been very worried about Jay in the recent months. It seemed like he was having problems with his PTSD and it wasn't getting better. Will had been keeping him updated on Jay's status and Mouse had already been planning on spending some time with Jay when he got back.

"Got called to a homicide scene. It's Bulldog, he was murdered." Jay said as he moved away slightly.

"Oh man, what happened?" Mouse asked sadly.

"Sniper got him in his home."

"Send me a photo."

"I'm not sending you a photo Mouse."

"Jay." Mouse started and Jay could tell he was getting upset.

"Only one of us needs this image in their minds and I've already seen it. You don't need this added to your horror box."

"Ya because you need more in it." Mouse said sarcastically.

"I'm sending you a photo of the wall. I need your help."

Jay took a phone and quickly sent it. "Did you get it?"

"Ya I got it. That's the Ghosts' insignia. You think they're behind this?"

"That's what I need you to find out. If you can find where they are then we'll know if they are in Chicago or not."

"Ya I'm pulling it up now to check. Thirty-five more to go, you don't think that has to do with?" Mouse asked, worried.

"God I hope not. But I don't know what else it could be. He's the only one outside of that number that would know about it." Jay said, not able to say much with the others around.

"But why target them? It's been nine years and why would the Ghosts care?"

"After they approached me Stateside and I turned em down. Maybe something happened and now they are looking to take care of something."

"You never told me that." Mouse said annoyed.

"You had enough to deal with, you didn't need to worry about it."

"That's not the point Jay. They could have done something to you and I wouldn't have known."

"Nothing happened. This might not even be them."

"Well, they are all Stateside. I can't get much more for you though, their files have all been sealed. I could hack into them, but it's going to alert the Upper Brass."

"No don't hack em. I don't want you getting Court Martialed over this. They're Stateside so I'll reach out to General Whilite at Fort Benning and see if he can give us something. It's going to be a nightmare." Jay said with a sigh.

"Sorry I can't give you much more. Do you want me to see if I can find the other thirty-four?"

"Ya they were from all over. Might be a good idea to see who is where. If you can, I know you are busy over there."

"It's all good. I'll have my computer set to find them and send you an email. It can do it while I'm sleeping so it's not a big deal." Mouse knew that Jay was worried about him and he didn't want Jay to think he was causing any stress.

"Alright. I'll be in touch, stay safe."

"Always. I'll be seeing you when I get back Stateside and we have leave for two months at that time too. So I'll be crashing at your place." Mouse said with a smile.

"My couch is always yours. Or you can crash with Will too, he's got a two bedroom."

"Sweet. I'll be in touch."

"Get some sleep."

"I love you."

"I love you too brother."

Jay ended the call and looked at Voight. "So they are Stateside from what Mouse can tell, but he can't get into their files without hacking them and that would get him arrested."

"Where do we go from here?" Voight asked.

"I'll call General Whilite and see if I can get access to their files. It's going to be tricky, but depending on if they are still active or not will decide just how difficult it will be."

"Do what you can. Atwater and Burgess, Ruzek and Rojas, you all grab a patrol unit and start searching building rooftops that are within two thousand yards with a view of the window. We need to find where this shot came from. Get other patrols to help." Voight ordered.

They all gave a nod and Hailey started to look around the house to see if she could find any information on their victim while Voight hung back to see what Jay was able to do. Jay dialed the base's number off by heart and went through the whole processes of getting the General on the phone. Voight couldn't believe how easy it was for Jay to go through the different levels until he was finally given the man he was looking for. Voight could tell the second he had the general on the line, because his whole body posture changed. He put his coffee down and stood up straight, almost like it was ingrained into him.

"General Whilite, thank-you for taking my call Sir."

"I've been told this is a matter of classified security. What is going on Detective Halstead?"

"Captain Mark Matthews has been murdered Sir. I was called to the scene because my military rank and name was left in his blood on the wall. Along with the message of thirty-five more to go with the Ghost insignia."

"What? Are you sure it is theirs?"

Jay turned his phone on to a video call and he pointed it at the wall, allowing the General to see it before he switched it back to a normal voice call.

"Dammit." The General said.

"Sir, I know this is a complicated matter and it is security sensitive. But I'd like to keep working the case. My unit is the best within the CPD."

"There's a reason this unit is classified Halstead. And you know what happened with the thirty-five is also classified. Everything is redacted and sealed away, including each of their military files. It is beyond sensitive material."

"I know that Sir. But it's personal. This was my friend. They left my name on the wall. They are calling me out and they will be coming for me. I know it's complicated and there will have to be regulations to follow and a blackout on it. But we are the best people to stop them and solve this."

The very last thing Jay wanted was to have to give this case up. He was going to stop them if it was the Ghosts and he was going to make sure that Matt got justice.

"If I were to agree to this, there would be strict rules you will have to follow. And that includes everyone within the team."

"I understand Sir. And we will follow them down to the letter. I will ensure it."

"I will be on my way with the files. I will arrive within the next three hours to your station. When I arrive, I must meet the team that will be working on this case. I will allow your military ranking to count towards supervisors. However, you will need two additional members that are Sargeant ranking or above to vouch for the team. All three of you will be held responsible and accountable for any of the team going against the regulations that are set forth. The regulations will follow top level classification. Do you remember them?"

"Yes Sir."

"Do you agree to the terms?"

"Yes Sir. We will be there. Thank-you Sir."

"We will talk soon."

"Yes Sir."

Jay ended the call and turned back to Voight and Hailey who was patiently waiting.

"The General is coming down here with the files. There are regulations that we'll need to follow for everyone to be read in. He'll be here within three hours at the station."

"We'll be there. You said they would be coming for you. Why?" Voight asked.

"It's classified, I can't talk about it. I'll have to explain later once everyone is read in. I need to call Will though, they could target him."

"I'll let the others know that we need to be back at the station within the next two hours so you can explain what you can and we can get started. You do what you need to do." Voight said.

Jay gave a nod and he started to head out. Hailey was right behind him and Vought knew for a fact that she was going to make sure he never left her sight. Voight then started to take control of the scene and reached out to the others letting them know what was going on. They had a couple of hours to gather as much information as they could before they would need to be back at the station.

Hailey got into the passenger side of the truck and Jay didn't even look over to see who it was. He knew Hailey would be going with him the second he left. He started his truck and he didn't say anything. He was trying to figure out how to get his own thoughts and emotions in order. He knew what was coming once everyone was read in and he had no idea how they were going to react. And the day had started out so good. They were halfway to the hospital when Hailey broke the silence.

"Are you ok?"

Jay let out a slow breath before he spoke. "No."

Hailey reached over and placed her hand into Jay's right hand that he had on the console between them. Jay turned his hand so that Hailey's would fit in his.

"I know you can't tell me anything classified and I would never ask you to break that. But is there anything you can tell me about how you are feeling about all of this?" Hailey asked calmly.

Jay was quiet for a moment and Hailey knew he needed a minute to try and get his emotions and thoughts in order before he did answer. "I've said it once that a lot of bad things happened to me over there. Things that only Mouse knows about because he was there for most of it. Bulldog, he was older, already thirty by the time I came into the Rangers at nineteen. We weren't in the same battalion, but we always did missions and tours together. So we saw each other a lot. He figured out pretty quick that I didn't have much of a home life. Whenever we had leave he would invite me back to his place so I wouldn't have to stay with my father or a motel. He was a brother and he risked everything to save me."

"I'm sorry you lost him. I'm glad he was there for you when you needed someone. And I'm really glad he was able to save you so you could be here. I know you want to work this case, but are you sure?"

Hailey already knew what the answer was, but she had to ask. She was going to support whatever his decision was.

"I can't let it go. There's too much involved in it. I can't walk away even if I wanted to. I just don't know how Will is going to handle it."

"Did he know him?"

"Will knows of him, but they've never met. Part of what is classified that everyone will learn about is something that I was involved in. Will doesn't know about it. I've never been able to tell him because it was classified. It was the reason I was discharged. Why Mouse and me were discharged. Will came down from New York and was there when we got off the plane. He could only get two weeks off from his job, but he got me through the first two weeks. I was a wreck, I was really sick and injured. He had everything ready for when we got back. He even made sure I had an apartment and everything for it. He fought for me during those two weeks when I had nothing left in me. When all I wanted to do was lay down and die. I wouldn't have made it without him. And now he is going to finally get answers and the first time he's going to hear it is in a room full of other people. It's not fair to him and I don't know how he's going to handle hearing it." Jay said with nothing but raw pain in his voice.

Hailey had no idea what to even say to Jay at this moment. She could hear the pain in his voice. It was so thick and raw. He wasn't ready for this, but he had no choice, but to go through it and hope he would be ok. She knew that he was going to have to reveal something painful to them all and for Jay being so private it was going to be hard on him. She was going to make sure she kept a straight face and just listened to him. She would be there for him through it all and she would get him through.

"I wish I could take this pain away from you. I wish I could hide you away somewhere so you wouldn't have to go through this. You need to know though, that no matter what you have to tell us I will always be there for you. Nothing changes between us. I will always have your back. I will always be your partner and you will always be my best friend. Just like Will will always be your brother. We'll get you through this, no matter how dark it gets."

"This whole thing is a trigger. I have no idea what it's to be like afterwards. It's not fair to you to deal with that."

"Jay, I'm not going anywhere. We've gone through your PTSD being triggered. We got through it and we will get through it this time around. You're not alone Jay. I'm here and I'm always going to be here. Trying to push me away will only be a waste of your energy. I'm not going anywhere." Hailey said with strength in her voice,

"Last time I was only part way triggered. It's not going to be like it was last time. It's going to be bad. I can already feel it creeping in. I'm probably going to have to go back on medication until it's under control again."

"And that's ok. Jay, you've been through a lot, I don't have to know specifics to know that, to see it. There's nothing wrong with you needing time after this case or having to be on medication to help you. And no matter how bad it gets, I'm not going anywhere. I can handle it."

Hailey didn't care what Jay would be like after this. She wasn't going to just abandon him and let him figure it out for himself. She wasn't that type of woman. She didn't need her man to be strong all the time. She could handle it. She could handle the darkness that lived within someone's mind or soul, especially when that darkness was trauma from war. Jay had served his country from the young age of eighteen for five years until he was taken out by some outside factor. And still he was here fighting a war on the streets of Chicago. Jay deserved someone that was strong and could stand by him and Hailey was going to be that person. Jay lifted their hands and he placed a quick kiss to Hailey's before he placed them back down. Hailey gave him a warm smile and placed her other hand on his arm. They had finally reached a place where Jay accepted that she was going to be there for him regardless.

They arrived at the hospital and they both headed inside. They could see that it wasn't too busy and that made Jay feel better. He knew Will loved his job and the very last thing he wanted to do was take him away from it. But if Will stayed here he could be killed and that was something Jay couldn't let happen.

"Hey guys, you got a case?" Will asked, as he walked over to them.

"Ya we do. I need to talk to you somewhere private." Jay said.

"Alright." Will said slightly unsure, but he knew he would get the answers in a minute.

"I'll wait here." Hailey said. She knew that this was something Jay needed to do with Will on his own.

Jay gave a nod and followed Will over to the doctor's lounge and he closed the door and pulled the blinds.

"Are you ok? Are you sick? Your hands are shaking." Will asked, not even bothering to hide his worry.

"PTSD is kicking in." Jay said, as he tried to get his hands to stop.

Will reached over and grabbed Jay's hand. "You can tell me anything, what's going on little brother?"

"It's bad." Jay said, not even bothering to hide his emotions.

Will led Jay over to the couch and they both sat down. He kept his hold of Jay's hand though and he could feel it shaking.

"No matter how bad it is, we can get through it."

"Do you remember Bulldog?"

"Ya, you said he was one of the ones that saved you. That he was injured during whatever happened. I'm still waiting for you to introduce us so I can buy him a beer."

"We just found him dead."

"Shit Jay, I'm so sorry."

"He's been dead for a few days. Sniper got him."

"A sniper?" Will asked confused. He wasn't expecting that.

"There was a message left in his blood on the wall for me. There's a military unit, it's known as the Ghost Unit. There's five in the unit and they are responsible for killing him. They're coming for me and thirty-four other people."

"Why are they doing this? Why are they going after you?" Will asked, even more worried.

"They went after Bulldog to send me a message. I don't know why they are going after us, but it has to be connected to my last tour. To what happened to me that caused me to be discharged."

"I knew something horrible happened to you. You came home so horribly injured and sick. I never asked you what happened, I figured it was classified."

"It is classified. But now that they are targeting us General Whilite is coming up from Fort Benning to read the unit in. We're working the case and with everyone being read in everyone will know what happened. We have to hunt them down and stop them before they kill more people. I told Mouse and he is trying to find the others. I know you are not going to be happy about this, but you need to come back to the station. Until they are caught, you're at risk of them going after you to get to me."

"Ok for how long?"

Will didn't like the idea of being stuck in the station especially when he was supposed to be at work, but he also knew that he couldn't leave Jay on his own. He wasn't going to give Jay any more reason to worry about him. It would also let him be there to help Jay with this. He couldn't be in the field, but he could at least be there at the station with him.

"Until we catch them. We have to do it fast so hopefully it won't be that long. I know you have to work and it's not ideal, but it's not safe for you to be here or on your own."

"I get it. I'll let Goodwin know. Will I be able to be read in then with being there?"

"Ya, you'll have to be."

That was at least one good thing to come from this. He would finally get to hear about what happened to him.

"Ok, I'll let Goodwin know then I'll need a ride home to get changed and grab some clothes. Do I need any medical supplies?"

"Wouldn't be a bad idea. The guys we're going up against are serious and could do any kind of damage."

"I'll stock my bag and bring it with me. Do you need anything?"

"My um… my medication from when I got back."

"Ativan, it was a low dosage. I can put the order in and it'll be ready within a couple of minutes. Was that medication ok, or did it have any bad side effects after I left?"

"No it was fine. It shouldn't change right?"

"No, your body will react to it the same way. I'll make sure the dosage is the same. You only needed it for a short while last time, I'm sure you won't have to be on it for long. It's good though that you are willing to go back on it."

"I don't really have a choice. I can already feel the anxiety creeping in. I have to work this case, but I'm already triggered. It's gonna get bad."

Will could hear the fear in Jay's voice and he fully understood it. Jay had gone through hell those first seven months he returned from his last tour. The very last thing he wanted was to go back to that. Will had come by to see Jay as often as he could, but unfortunately with his job it wasn't very often he could get away. Still, he talked with him on the phone and he knew that Jay had struggled a lot with anxiety.

"It'll be ok. We'll get through it. You did it last time and we will do it again this time. I'm right here with you and I'm not going anywhere. You can come stay with me and we'll get you through it."

"I'm thinking about maybe taking some time off. I'd have to talk to Voight about it, but I haven't taken any time off since I started."

"I think that's a good idea. You need some time to get away from all of the violence and death. Let yourself have some time to see the beauty in the world. We could take a vacation and go somewhere. We can go far or just up to the cabin for a week if you wanted."

"Ya that sounds good. I haven't been to the cabin in close to nine years."

Jay thought it would be good to get away, even for a little while. Will couldn't take too much time off, but he could always talk to Voight and see what he was able to give him.

"We'll get it figured out then and go away for a bit."

Will was willing to do anything for Jay at this moment. He just wanted to get him better again, get him back to being healthy. He had finally started to see parts of his brother again. The parts that made Jay fun and silly growing up. The parts that died when he went off to war. He was getting his brother back, finally, and he wasn't going to lose him again. Jay just gave a nod and Will knew he was just trying to keep things together. Will pulled Jay in for a hug, one Jay easily welcomed and returned. After a few moments Will pulled back and gave Jay a warm smile.

"It'll be ok. We will get through this and get you back to being healthy and you again."

Jay gave a nod and Will could tell he wasn't too sure about it. There was nothing either of them could do about it right now though. Will got up and headed over to his locker to grab his things before he headed out and Jay followed.

"I'll be a few minutes." Will said.

"Take your time." Jay said.

Will headed off and Jay went back over to join Hailey. He could see the look of concern on her face and he hated that people were more concerned about him than Bulldog.

"You alright?" Hailey asked.

"You can pretty much assume my answer is going to be no to that question for a little while."

"And that's ok. How was Will?"

"As good as to be expected. He's going to talk to Goodwin and get supplies together just in case any of us get hurt. He's getting my prescription too."

"Anti-anxiety?"

"Ya just a low dosage of Ativan. It worked last time."

"Any side effects? I know some people feel numb or off from it."

"When the dosage was too high it made me a zombie. But Will was able to get the right dosage figured out. He's going to put me on the same one so it should be fine. He said it would be."

"We'll need to head to his place afterwards I'm assuming."

"Ya, he's gonna need to pack a bag."

"Voight texted me, they are trying to locate the sniper perch still. Rough TOD was eight days ago."

"So he might not be the only victim."

"We won't know until we can get into it and find out what is going on."

There was nothing else for them to say. Jay couldn't talk about any of it until they were read in. Hailey just hoped they could get this case wrapped up quickly to make it easier on Jay. It was twenty minutes later when Will came back ready to go. He gave them both a warm smile and handed Jay his prescription bottle discreetly as he knew that Jay wouldn't want people to see it around them.

"It's enough for a month. Like last time you need to take one a day and it can take a couple of days for them to start working. If it gets bad though, I have a few shots of it that will work right away. But they are only just in case."

"Needles are not helpful." Jay instantly said.

"I know you don't like them, but if the anxiety gets bad we might need to use one. We don't have to worry about that right now though."

Will knew that Jay had a fear of needles, just like he knew he came home from the war that way. He never had a problem with it growing up. There had been plenty of times he needed to get stitches and the needle to numb the area never bothered him. The fear of needles came from something that happened to him overseas and for that Will would never tease or downplay it.

"Let's head to your place so you can grab some clothes." Hailey said.

They all headed out and Will got into the backseat easily. He knew how much Hailey meant to Jay and he was hoping with her next to him he would relax a bit.

"What about Kohl?"

"Bring him. He can stay at the station until we head to mine tonight." Jay said.

"I don't know if you guys should be staying at your place though. Don't they know where you live?" Hailey asked.

"I don't know. We can figure that part out later." Jay said.

They made the drive to Will's and Jay went up with him to help him carry his stuff down and to make sure his apartment was secure. Once Will had everything he needed for him and Kohl they loaded up into Jay's truck and headed back to the station. The second they walked into the station Platt was on them.

"Why is there a dog in my precinct Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Halstead?"

"Who's who?" Hailey couldn't help but ask with a smirk.

"I'm Tweedle Halstead, I'm older." Will said with a warm smile.

"The dog." Platt said again.

"It's a long story. Is the team back?" Jay asked.

"Ya a few minutes ago."

"We're gonna need you upstairs with this case. It's a long story, but I'll explain up there." Jay said.

"Alright." Platt said slowly.

They all headed up the stairs and everyone was in the bullpen going over what they had so far. They all turned to see them walk in and they instantly noticed that it wasn't just Jay and Hailey coming back.

"Hello cutie." Kim said, as Kohl went over to her.

"Dude, what is with the dog and your brother being here?" Adam asked.

"It's not safe for them to be alone." Jay answered.

"Hey everyone." Will said. He knew that they weren't expecting him or a dog, but he was here for Jay and not them.

"Will." Voight said, holding his hand out.

Will shook it as he spoke. "Voight. Sorry for the invasion."

"Safest place for you is here." Voight looked at Jay as if he was his own son and Will was Jay's brother. That made Will family.

"I restocked my medical kit just in case." Will said, placing the bag down on Jay's desk.

"Alright, what the hell is going on?" Platt demanded.

"General Whilite will be here within the hour. In order to be read in on classified intel there are regulations that need to be met." Jay said, as he sat down on Hailey's desk. Kohl went over and sat down next to him, placing his paw on Jay's leg.

"Who is General Whilite and why is there classified intel being shared?" Platt asked, she was completely out of the loop.

"Homicide got a call this morning regarding a DOA, it came in as a suspicious odor call. The deceased was Mark Matthews, Bulldog, he was in the Rangers with Jay. They knew each other. On the one wall written in blood was a message for Jay." Hailey started and she pulled over their board and Kim started to get the information that they had up on it.

"I'm sorry Jay. Was he active?" Platt asked.

"He was, but not within the field. He was doing training. He specialized in EOD and because of his skill level he was here doing training for the Navy base six months out of the year. The remainder he was in Fort Benning training the next round of Rangers. No wife, no kids, his parents are alive, but they moved to Florida. Someone from Fort Benning will make the notifications. Military might take over the autopsy as well." Jay explained.

"He was taken out by a sniper. We found his perch just over two thousand yards away on the rooftop of an apartment building. We can't figure out how he got in or out." Kevin added.

"The rooftop door is locked from the outside and can't open from the inside. There's no fire escape. We talked to the building owner and the locks haven't been changed or added. Somehow he just appeared on the roof and got off." Rojas said.

"We'll need satellite images, but on and off were with a chute." Jay said.

"He jumped?" Will asked.

"Jump out a chopper or plane, land down, then you glide off. No one knows you're there." Jay said.

"Clearly you've done that before." Adam said.

"We don't have access to satellite images." Hailey said. She knew Jay would have done any number of things, most of which he couldn't talk about. There was no point in letting the conversation go that way.

"We will once read in." Jay said.

"You said regulations that would need to be followed. What are they?" Voight asked.

"Normally when classified intel is shared it is done within the military, usually a special ops unit needs the intel to complete a mission. Sometimes it's very formal and you have to sign a form, most of the time it's just a verbal confirmation that you won't talk about the intel and commit treason. With us being civilians it's more complicated. You will all need to sign a lot of forms that basically state that if you breach the classification seal you will be forfeiting your right to a trial. You will then be arrested and placed within a maximum security military prison in an undisclosed location." Jay started to explain, but Adam cut him off.

"What counts as a breach?" Adam was very worried now. This was beyond serious.

"I'll get to that. Before the forms can even be signed there has to be three members of Sergeant ranking or higher that are responsible for everyone underneath and ensuring that breaches don't happen. It is also on them to do any interrogations with suspects to ensure that classified intel is not spoken to someone outside of the seal. I was a lieutenant and Whilite is granting me that title for this purpose, along with my military career and I still currently have my top secret classification seal. With Voight that gives us two." Jay said and then looked over at Platt. "And if you Sarg are ok with it, you would be read in and that would give us three."

"Ya that's fine. I'll do whatever we need to get this case closed." Platt had no idea what was going on with this case or what they would discover, but she knew it had to be bad for Will to be here and for the military to be coming down.

"You're still good?" Jay asked Voight. He didn't expect the answer to change, but he wanted to make sure that Voight had a way out.

"You have to ask?" Voight said back.

"No, but some people appreciate an out."

"Don't need one."

Jay turned his attention back to everyone in the room. He made sure to look at Will to make sure that Will also knew what he was getting in for. He knew Will wouldn't be walking away, but he deserved to know.

"I'm only going to say this once. There is no wiggle room when it comes to classification seals, especially those that are classified as top secret. What you are about to hear after being sworn in is the top level of top secret. I am talking about a handful of people within the military who have access to this information. Most of it is redacted and never spoken about. General Whilite is one of the handful of people who knows the whole story because he was in charge during this period. You follow the regulations set forth by the military."

"Ya we get it man. Relax." Adam said, downplaying things like always.

"No, you don't get it Ruzek. You make one slip up, just one and you're done. You don't talk about anything that you learn outside of this circle of people. You don't talk about it where someone else could overhear. You don't realise information to a suspect or a witness. You have to word everything you say carefully so you don't release information that you didn't mean to. Paperwork is filled out, but will be sealed away in a case that gets locked up for the military to handle. All notes are shredded, those shreds are then burned. There is no fingerprints, no paper trail or digital one. This is a military case and you will play by military regulations or you will be on patrol until the end of it." Jay paused to look at everyone and now it was starting to sink in just how serious this was going to be. "And let me make this very clear to each and every single one of you. Men died, good men with a wife and kids waiting for them back home, they died for this information. They died keeping it classified. I got to go home and not in a box because of them. You will not disrespect them. You will not go against the seal. And if you do I will be the one that slaps the cuffs on you. And you will spend the rest of your life in a hole in some third world country waiting for the day you finally die. Do you understand?"

It wasn't often that Jay had a harsh tone with them. Yes, they had heard it when he was dealing with a certain type of suspect in interrogation, but never with it towards them. Will knew he should be worried, but he wasn't. He didn't have anyone to tell anything to and he would never go against the seal. He knew how much it meant to Jay and he wouldn't disrespect him.

"If you can't follow the regulations that will be dictated to you, then leave now. We can always find you something to do until this case is over. But this is your only chance to walk away. This will be a case that you will never be able to talk about for the rest of your life. You have until the General arrives to decide. Make sure it's one you can live with." Voight said.

Jay got up and headed over to the break room to get some coffee. He needed a minute to try and get his thoughts in order. Kohl followed behind him and Will couldn't help but smirk. Will went, but Hailey placed her hand on his arm stopping him.

"I got this one."

"He hasn't taken one yet." Will whispered and Hailey gave a nod.

She headed into the break room and closed the door behind her. Jay's head snapped up and he looked over at her. She gave him a warm smile as she spoke.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you."

Jay let out a long sigh. "I hate being jumpy."

"Caffeine might not be a good choice." Hailey said with a warm smile.

"It's not gonna make it worse." Jay said as he poured himself a cup. "You want one?"

"Sure. Will said you should take a pill."

"I know. I'm worried about the team."

"About them seeing you taking a pill?" Hailey asked, confused.

"No, about this case. I don't know about Adam and Rojas."

"You think they won't take it seriously?"

"I think there is some tension between them and me. I don't know why though."

"Adam wouldn't go against the seal. He might play it off and downplay things, but you know he's loyal to this unit. Hell, he went to jail and almost lost his freedom for Antonio."

"I know. I know he's loyal and I know he'll do this. I thought maybe the tension was because you and him were dating, but we were still close. Then I figured it was the whole Antonio and jail thing. Now I'm wondering if it's a middle child thing."

"What?" Hailey asked, confused.

"It's what we used to call it. In a unit there are positions, the leader, second in command, the medic, the k9 handler, the rookie. Eventually though you take on a new rookie and the old rookie just becomes one of the guys. He's not special in a sense. He goes from having a title to a letter and a number. Adam was the rookie and then Kev joined, then Kim and now Rojas. He's just another officer in the group. He doesn't have a speciality or a purpose, he's just another member of a team. Sometimes it's enough for people and sometimes it's not for others."

"You think he's frustrated because he can't contribute more and do more things." Hailey stated. She could understand Jay's point. Adam was a very hands on type of guy. He liked to be involved and be useful, show his worth to the unit. "I can see that. Adam is loyal and he always wants to help more with the unit. I could see him being frustrated that he's basically standing still. What do you do to fix that though?"

"Teach him. Start getting him to do more in the field. There's a lot that I do, because I'm trained to do it. It's safer for me to do certain things and Voight knows that. Eventually though, I won't be able to do those things, whether it's because I'm running things or my body craps out on me. It would be good for someone else to be able to handle the more difficult aspects in the field."

"It would be good and if you think Adam could handle it then go for it."

"I think he could. I'll talk to him about it after this case is finished."

"Your body craps out? You planning on getting shot again on me?" Hailey asked with a smirk.

"No, nothing like that. It's just from five years of abuse being in the rangers. Hundreds of parachute jumps onto rocky planes. Running up mountains with a hundred extra pounds on your back. Running for days straight with the weight. It takes a toll on your knees, hips, back and neck. Within ten years I'll have to do knee transplants." Jay gave a shrug. "The life of a soldier is glamorous."

"It's crazy when I think about the price that soldiers pay just to protect us all. It doesn't seem like we give enough support or thanks for them."

"That's the name of the game we all choose to play." Jay said with a shrug.

Hailey nodded before she spoke. "What about Rojas makes you question her?"

"You know what I think about her."

When Hailey was evaluating Rojas she had asked Jay what he thought of her and he did not hold back, not that she expected him to. He didn't trust her and he didn't think she would be a good fit. He questioned whether she could be a team player and Hailey was starting to wonder if Jay was right about it all.

"I know. I thought she was getting better though."

"She might be with the others, but she seems to have an issue with me. I've heard some of her little comments. Seen the looks she gives me when I'm at your place. I don't know if it's my personality or that I have more seniority on the team, but she has a problem with me. I don't want that to have an impact on this case. I honestly don't know if I can trust her with this information."

"I don't know why she has an issue with you. It could be that you are a person in authority and she doesn't do well with authority. It could be a clash of personalities. She's more easy going and likes to wing it, where you are opposite to that." Hailey said with a smile.

"I'm easy going." Jay said slightly offensive.

"I meant on the job. You're very serious and it's good that you are. We need someone who is. You have your training and that makes you guarded. You don't like going to clubs or bars and being around a lot of people. You guys are just opposite. I don't think she'll release any intel though Jay. She's not going to risk going to a black site for the rest of her life. But if you are worried about it, just keep her in house."

"She'll have to be in house, she doesn't have enough training to go in the field with these guys. None of you do, but she's too new."

"And that's ok, we can keep her busy here. Don't stress over it. You have enough you are stressing over, don't add to it." Hailey said gently as she placed her hand on his forearm.

Jay just gave a nod and Hailey knew he needed a few minutes to just try and get his thoughts and emotions back under lock and key. She had no problem waiting for when he was ready to go back out there.

Voight watched as Hailey went into the break room with Jay. He then turned to Will and could see the concern on his face.

"Will, a word." He said, before he headed into his office.

Will gave a nod and followed, closing the door behind him. Voight sat on the edge of his desk facing Will.

"I know you don't want to break any confidence you have with Jay. I know you are technically not his official doctor, but you are his doctor and you don't want to go against the oath. But I need to know how bad this is going to be for him."

"He'll be able to handle this case just like he always does." Will said. He didn't want to put Jay in a bad position. He didn't want Voight doubting him.

Voight put up his hand to stop Will as he spoke. "I know he can handle the work. That's not what I'm talking about and you know it. You think I don't know he has PTSD? I suspected it when he got into my unit and it was confirmed two years ago when he dug a hole so deep I didn't think he'd ever get out. I know he's got scars and trauma from the war. I would never hold that against him. But I need to know what his state is going to be like while on this case. His hands are shaking, something I've never seen with him before. So I already know it's going to be bad, but I can't make it easier on him if I don't know what I need to fix."

Will let out a sigh. He knew that Voight was right, he had to give him the heads up otherwise he could make Jay worse without even knowing it.

"He gets bad anxiety, it's why his hands shake. I gave him his prescription that he used to take when he got back so that will help him."

"He's activated." Voight stated.

"For a lack of a better word, yes. His PTSD is always there, it doesn't go away, he doesn't have that type of PTSD. His is always there, always underneath the surface just waiting for it to be triggered. Jay does a lot during the day to keep his mind calm and focused on other things, but once there is a reminder of any of his trauma his PTSD starts pushing on that door. Sometimes it cracks open a little, this time around it blew the door off." Will answered honestly.

"Ok, so what does that mean for him? What do I need to do to ensure he's safe out there. Should he even be out in the field?"

Voight looked at Jay as a son, he loved him like a son. He would do anything he needed to do to help Jay get through whatever this was going to be.

"He'll be fine in the field. He'll be amazing in the field. The PTSD makes a person hyper aware, especially once adrenaline kicks in. He'll be better than you've ever seen him in the field. Outside of it though it's going to be shaky. Sometimes he'll get lost in a thought or a memory. He'll be jumpy, startle easily. The worst will be his anxiety. Before we found the right dosage of Ativan his anxiety was through the roof. It got so bad that he couldn't leave his apartment and I mean he couldn't physically touch the doorknob to open it. His anxiety would skyrocket at the thought of being around people or outside. He's back on the Ativan at the right dosage, but it will take a couple of days to kick into his system. Until then, I'll keep an eye on his anxiety and I'll let you know if he needs a break."

"Alright." Voight said, but he wasn't happy that he couldn't do more for Jay. That he couldn't really help him through this.

"I know you want to help, but the best thing you can do for him is act normal around him. He needs to know that nothing changes no matter what we're about to learn. Because whatever it is, it was bad. Something horrific happened to him over there. Something so horrible and traumatic that it killed my happy and silly little brother. When he got back after that last tour all I got back was a shell, a very sick and injured shell of a brother. He's finally coming back to life, being who he used to be before the war and this is threatening all of that. So the best thing you can do is make sure he understands that it's ok to not be ok right now. That he's still going to have a job and a place in this family when the dust settles."

"Jay is like a son to me. He'll always be in this family, he'll always have a home. And one day this unit will be his. I got all the time in the world to give him to get over this. He's a great cop and a good man."

Voight knew that Jay had been through a lot and he was more than happy to give him whatever time he needed after this case to get his head back on straight. To heal from everything they were about to learn. He was just hoping that whatever this was, wouldn't break Jay. Will gave a nod and headed back out of the office. He had to be there for Jay and hopefully he would be able to get his brother through this and out the other side.


End file.
